Category: Blog

My children recently shared a piece of wisdom that struck me deeply: when you start attracting haters, it means you’ve accomplished something significant enough to make many people proud while triggering strong emotional reactions in others. There’s profound truth in that observation.

Everyone’s Experience is Valid

I want to acknowledge something important: some of my critics have legitimate reasons for their feelings toward me. Perhaps I had to make the difficult decision to let them go from a position. Maybe I reported concerning behavior to a licensing board. In some cases, I denied a promotion or simply expressed an opinion they strongly disagreed with.

I have the courage to admit that I’ve made mistakes along my journey. I’ve hurt people in my pursuit of success, sometimes unknowingly and sometimes through necessary but painful decisions. For those hurts, I sincerely apologize. Growth requires accountability, and I own my missteps.

The Delusion of Distant Judgment

Then there are those critics who fall victim to their own naïveté. They express hostility, often publicly, because they’ve convinced themselves they understand everything about me—my decisions, my life, my motivations—when in reality, they couldn’t be further from the truth.

There’s something inherently delusional about harboring hatred for someone you’ve never even met. How can you possibly know the full context of another person’s choices? This realization has given me tremendous perspective about judging others and reinforced that powerful adage: “Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about, so just be kind.”

In our current culture, we’ve lost the benefit of the doubt. We’ve replaced curiosity with certainty, questions with accusations, and understanding with judgment.

Breaking the “Rise Above” Rule

A few months ago, I broke the cardinal rule of “never engage with haters” when I addressed some critics in a Facebook group. Everyone says, “Rise above, don’t interact.” But honestly? It was cathartic to correct misconceptions and introduce some truth into the conversation.

The most surprising outcome wasn’t the conflict that many predicted but transformation. What began as unprofessional criticism evolved into a thoughtful conversation about differing perspectives. Later, my inbox filled with messages of support—from silent cheerleaders and even from those who admitted they had transformed their jealousy of my success into inspiration for their own journey.

The Root of Hatred

I’ve come to understand that many haters simply haven’t evolved to a place of self-love where they can accept that not everything another person does is meant to harm them, even when it feels that way. Their reaction often reveals more about their wounds than my actions.

I often wonder: Why choose to troll the internet when you could channel that energy into creating positive change? Energy is finite. We all have the same 24 hours, the same limited emotional reserves.

Choosing a Different Path

I choose to use my energy to lift others up, to stay curious by asking questions about things I don’t understand, and to always—and I mean always—choose kindness.

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about understanding that the path to growth is paved with both cheerleaders and critics. To my haters: thank you for the lessons. To my supporters: thank you for the love. And to everyone in between: I invite you to join me in choosing curiosity over judgment, conversation over condemnation, and kindness above all else.

Here’s my toast: to growth, to truth, and to the beautiful complexity of human connection—even when it’s uncomfortable.

I remember sitting on my kitchen floor last spring, feeling like I couldn’t take one more decision. One more problem. One more anything. The overwhelm wasn’t just emotional—I felt it in my body, like gravity had suddenly doubled its pull.

And then I stopped fighting it.

When I Learned to Slow Down

I’ve spent most of my life believing overwhelm was something to overcome, to push through with more organization, more effort, more grit. But that day on the kitchen floor taught me something different.

Instead of scrambling to my feet, I stayed there. I breathed. I let the tears come. I gave myself permission to feel completely overwhelmed by the beautiful chaos that had become my life—career pressures mounting, relationships straining, legal complications tangling with daily responsibilities.

That moment changed everything for me.

I’ve learned that when everything feels too much, the kindest thing I can do is to stop. To breathe deeply. To move through my hours one minute at a time if necessary. The world won’t fall apart if I pause—but I might fall apart if I don’t.

What My Overwhelm Was Trying to Tell Me

Looking back, I can see that my periods of greatest overwhelm weren’t random emotional storms—they were intensive courses in self-discovery.

When my career demands felt crushing and I questioned my path, my overwhelm was trying to tell me: “You need to redefine success on your own terms.”

When legal issues drained my energy and peace, my overwhelm was whispering: “This challenge is reshaping your resilience in ways you can’t yet see.”

When interpersonal conflicts left me exhausted and heartsick, my overwhelm was shouting: “Your boundaries need honoring—both by others and by you.”

I missed these messages for years because I was too busy trying to outrun the feeling.

A Gentle Reminder in the Middle of the Night

Maybe this perspective on overwhelm feels new to you. Or maybe, like me, you’ve heard it before but need constant reminders.

I still wake up sometimes at 3:30 AM, heart racing, mind spinning with all the uncertainties ahead. In those dark, quiet hours, overwhelm can feel suffocating. My old instinct is to fight against it—to make mental lists, to worry harder, as if worrying were a solution.

But then I remember: this feeling is a messenger, not an enemy.

I’ve learned to place a hand on my heart during those sleepless nights and whisper to myself: “You’re being prepared for transition. This discomfort is the feeling of growth. Don’t resist it—listen to it.”

Sometimes the most powerful thing I can do at 3:30 AM isn’t to force sleep or solve problems. It’s to accept that change is coming and that my overwhelm is trying to prepare me for it.

Finding My Path Forward

Now when overwhelm visits—and it still does—I approach it differently. I sit with it. I get curious about it.

I ask myself: “What’s trying to emerge in my life right now? What am I being asked to release? What wisdom awaits me on the other side of this feeling?”

Sometimes I journal these questions. Sometimes I take a long walk without my phone. Sometimes I just lie on the floor and breathe until the mental static quiets enough to hear what’s underneath.

One Breath at a Time

I no longer see my overwhelm as weakness. I see it as evidence of my evolution.

When life feels chaotic now, I remind myself: This discomfort is temporary, but the wisdom it offers could guide me for years. I take it one breath at a time. One hour at a time. One decision at a time.

The clarity I seek isn’t waiting somewhere beyond the overwhelm—it’s waiting within it, if I’m brave enough to stay present.

And I’m learning to be that brave, one overwhelming moment at a time.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

In the quiet moments between political arguments, in the silent aftermath of a family dinner gone wrong, in the heartache of unfriending someone we once held dear, we all feel the weight of our divided times. Beyond the statistics and studies, beyond the headlines and social media posts, there beats a profound human longing for connection, understanding, safety, and peace. In a time when political discourse seems increasingly fractured, many find themselves wrestling not just with ideological differences, but with the deep, soul-level exhaustion that comes from feeling disconnected from their fellow humans. A 2024 Pew Research Center survey found that 65% of Americans feel “worn out” by the amount of political information they encounter, while 85% believe the tone and nature of political debate has become more negative in recent years. Yet, as contemporary research reminds us, political division and social tension have been constant companions throughout human history. What makes our current moment unique is not the existence of division, but rather our unprecedented exposure to conflicting viewpoints through modern technology, which is never ending and like pouring gasoline on an already out of control fire.

The Universal Experience of Political Division

From the Civil Rights era to the Vietnam War, from the Industrial Revolution to the Digital Age, each generation has faced its own version of political polarization. Research from the University of Pennsylvania’s Annenberg Public Policy Center demonstrates that political polarization tends to peak during periods of significant social change, suggesting our current experience follows historical patterns while presenting unique modern challenges.

The emotional weight of political division manifests in deeply personal ways. A comprehensive 2023 study by the American Psychological Association (APA) titled “Stress in America” revealed that across all demographic groups, 68% of Americans cite the current political climate as a significant source of stress in their lives. Common reported experiences include:

• Grief over strained or lost relationships (reported by 51% of respondents)
• Anxiety about the future (73%)
• Anger at perceived injustices (64%)
• Fear for their children’s futures (69%)
• Exhaustion from constant conflict (77%)
• Loneliness in their beliefs (45%)

Understanding Our Shared Emotional Landscape

Beneath the surface of political arguments lies a deeper truth: we are all human beings yearning for connection, understanding, and safety. When we argue about politics, we’re often really expressing our fears about the future, our hopes for our children, and our deep desire to be heard and understood. Research published in the Journal of Social and Political Psychology confirms what our hearts already know – that emotional responses to political conflict transcend political affiliations, aka, no matter what “side” you’re on, the intensity of how you feel about your position is the same. A 2023 meta-analysis of 50 studies found remarkably similar patterns of stress response, family conflict, and social withdrawal across different political ideologies.

These shared emotional experiences remind us of our fundamental interconnectedness. When a conservative mother lies awake at night worried about her children’s future, she shares the same heart-deep concern as her liberal counterpart. When a progressive activist feels frustrated, unsafe, and unheard, their emotional experience mirrors that of their conservative counterpart fighting for different beliefs. Our fears, hopes, and dreams bind us together in a web of shared humanity that runs deeper than any political divide and our only hope is to learn to tolerate, not blindly accept, the parts that divide us and focus on the human parts that connect us.

The distinction between acceptance and tolerance is crucial in building a functioning diverse society. While acceptance requires embracing and potentially adopting others’ values as equally valid as our own, tolerance simply asks us to acknowledge others’ right to hold different values while maintaining our own beliefs. For instance, a deeply religious person who believes in traditional marriage can tolerate the legal right of same-sex couples to marry without accepting that it aligns with their personal religious values. Similarly, a secular individual might tolerate their colleague’s daily prayer breaks while not personally accepting religious beliefs. By focusing on tolerance rather than mandatory acceptance, we create a framework where people with fundamentally different worldviews can coexist productively – whether they’re vegans and hunters living in the same community, or political conservatives and liberals working together on local initiatives, both can have options on the menu. This approach allows us to maintain our core values while respecting others’ right to live according to theirs.

Without this sense of tolerance we feel distress. The impact of political stress manifests in various ways:

Physical Manifestations

According to research published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, chronic political stress correlates with increased cortisol levels, disrupted sleep patterns, and elevated blood pressure during and after political discussions. These physiological responses were consistent across demographic groups, highlighting our shared biological response to social stress.

Relational Impact

The Pew Research Center‘s 2023 study on political discourse found that 45% of Americans have stopped talking to someone about political issues due to something they said, while 51% report feeling their relationships have been damaged by political disagreements.

Historical Perspective: Learning from Past Divisions

Historical research from Yale University‘s Center for the Study of Representative Institutions highlights how societies have repeatedly faced and overcome significant divisions. Their analysis of social movements from 1900-2020 demonstrates that periods of intense polarization often precede significant social progress.

Finding Common Ground in Shared Humanity and Moving Forward, Together

Research from Harvard University‘s Making Caring Common project shows that focusing on shared human experiences can help bridge political divides. Their 2023 study of community dialogue programs found that when participants shared personal stories about their hopes and fears, agreement on controversial issues increased by 23%.

The National Institute for Civil Discourse‘s research has identified several evidence-based strategies for reducing political polarization:

1. Focus on shared values rather than political differences

2. Practice active listening techniques

3. Engage in structured dialogue programs

4. Participate in cross-partisan community service

A 2023 study in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology found that these approaches led to:

• 34% reduction in reported political anxiety
• 27% improvement in cross-partisan relationships
• 41% increase in willingness to engage in political discussions

Recent research from the Kettering Foundation demonstrates that community-level engagement remains one of the most effective antidotes to political division. Their longitudinal study of community dialogue programs showed that participants were:

• 45% more likely to engage in civic activities
• 38% more likely to work with people of different political views
• 52% more likely to report feeling hopeful about democracy’s future

The emotional toll of political division is a shared human experience that transcends generations, political affiliations, and social boundaries. Yet within this challenge lies an opportunity – a chance to rediscover our shared humanity and forge connections that run deeper than political ideology. As Maya Angelou wisely observed, “In minor ways we differ, in major we’re the same. I note the obvious differences between each sort and type, but we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.”

Her words remind us that beneath our political labels and ideological differences beats the same human heart – one that longs for love, understanding, and connection. When we reach across the divide to touch someone else’s humanity, we touch our own as well. Every time we choose empathy over anger, curiosity over judgment, and understanding over division, we weave another thread in the tapestry of human connection that binds us all together.

As documented by the APA’s longitudinal research on political stress and resilience, our capacity to overcome division through dialogue and shared understanding remains strong, even in highly polarized times. But perhaps more importantly, our capacity for love, empathy, and human connection remains undiminished by political storms. In the end, it is this shared humanity – this profound connection to one another – that will light our way forward.

Ever tried scheduling a therapy appointment only to find out it’s not covered by your insurance? Or maybe you’ve wondered why it’s so much harder to find a mental health provider than a primary care doctor? You’re not alone. Let’s dive into the world of mental health parity – what it means, why it’s important, and honestly, why it’s still such a mess.

The mental health crisis is anything but gone just because the global pandemic is behind us. Here’s a sobering reality: according to NAMI , about one in five of us is dealing with some form of mental health challenge, that’s 20% of the population if you prefer that math. A 2023 study in the Journal of Health Economics found this number likely underestimates the true scope, with survey respondents being 30% more likely to disclose mental health challenges in anonymous vs. identified questionnaires. And yet, less than half of those people actually get treatment.

Over the years, lawmakers have tried to fix this problem with various pieces of legislation. Let’s break them down in a simpler form:

The Mental Health Parity Act of 1996

Think of this as the first attempt to level the playing field. It basically said insurance companies couldn’t set lower limits for mental health care than for physical health care. Nice idea, but it had some pretty big loopholes.

The Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act (2008)

This one packed more punch. It said if your insurance plan covers mental health, it has to offer the same deal as it does for physical health. That means:

• Your copays can’t be higher just because you’re seeing a therapist instead of a physical therapist
• Your insurance can’t limit the number of therapy sessions if they don’t do the same for physical therapy
• Substance use treatment got included too (finally!)

The Affordable Care Act (2010)

The ACA (or Obamacare, if you prefer) took things a step further. Mental health care became an “essential health benefit” – meaning insurance companies actually had to offer it. Plus, they couldn’t deny you coverage because of pre-existing conditions, including mental health issues.

Why Things Are Still… Complicated

Despite these laws, getting mental health care is often still a huge pain. Here’s what’s really going on:

The Network Problem

Try finding a therapist who takes your insurance. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Frustrating, right? Studies show there are way fewer mental health providers in insurance networks compared to other doctors. This means either:

• Waiting forever for an appointment
• Paying out of pocket (ouch!)
• Giving up entirely (not good!)

The Money Issue

Insurance companies often pay mental health providers less than other healthcare providers. According to a 2024 analysis in Health Affairs, mental health providers receive on average 23% lower reimbursement rates compared to medical specialists for time-based services of similar length. No surprise then that many therapists choose not to deal with insurance at all. It’s a vicious cycle that leaves patients stuck in the middle.

How to Calculate if Plans Have Parity?

Medicare rates. If the reimbursement rate that a company gets for therapy codes (we bill in CPT codes which is truly a whole other language) is 20% below the Medicare rate for therapy but 20% above Medicare rates for knee surgery then parity is not being followed. Medicare rates for each state are public information and thanks to new legislation from the current administration insurance reimbursement rates, which were historically a big “secret” are also now public. So we can do the math ourselves, and it’s not pretty.

Having laws is great and all, but who’s making sure they’re followed? It’s like having a speed limit with no traffic cops – some folks are going to push their luck. There is no one, and I mean no one, who enforces parity. Unless folks bring up a lawsuit, or your local AG’s office finds out people don’t have coverage, insurance companies can just play roulette with rates and hope no one finds out.

All these issues create a domino effect:

Emergency Rooms Get Slammed

When people can’t get regular mental health care, guess where they end up? The ER. It’s like using a sledgehammer to hang a picture – not the right tool for the job, but sometimes it’s the only option available.

Healthcare Workers Are Burning Out

Doctors and nurses are trying to handle complex mental health issues without enough support. It’s like asking a basketball player to also be the referee and the coach – it’s too much, and it gets confusing.

It Costs Us All More

Here’s the kicker: not treating mental health problems actually costs more in the long run. The average number of sessions folks need to find some relief according to the American Psychological Association is between 12-20. The total cost for this would be around $3,000 if we paid therapists $150 per session. A one time visit to the ER can cost well over $5,000 and that likely doesn’t include a diagnosis. It’s like ignoring a leaky pipe until your ceiling caves in – way more expensive than just fixing the leak.

So What Can We Do About It?

We need a multi-pronged approach:

1. Better enforcement of existing laws (hello, traffic cops!)

2. More mental health professionals (we need you!)

3. Better tracking of what’s actually happening

4. Combining mental and physical health care in smart ways

5. Looking at the bigger picture of what affects mental health

We’ve made progress with mental health parity laws, but let’s be real – we’re not there yet. It’s like we’ve built the foundation of a house but forgot to add the doors and windows. There’s still work to do to make mental health care truly accessible to everyone who needs it.

Getting there will take all of us: healthcare providers, insurance companies, lawmakers, therapists working together, and regular folks speaking up about what we need. Because at the end of the day, mental health care isn’t a luxury – it’s a necessity.

Hey there, resolution enthusiasts and goal-setting warriors! Before you whip out that shiny new planner and start making promises to your future self, let’s have a heart-to-heart about those pesky New Year’s resolutions that seem to ghost us faster than a bad date.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Are Like That One-Hit Wonder You Can’t Stop Cringing At

Picture this: It’s January 1st, and you’re feeling like a superhero ready to conquer the world. “This year,” you declare while munching on leftover holiday cookies, “I’m going to get six-pack abs, learn three languages, and finally organize that mystery drawer in the kitchen!” (You know the one. We all have it. Drawer of Doom, anyone?)

But here’s the tea:

– Those sky-high expectations? They’re about as realistic as your cat promising to stop knocking things off tables

– The whole “all-or-nothing” mindset is like saying you’ve ruined your diet forever because you ate one chocolate chip cookie

– The pressure to transform overnight is enough to make even your houseplants stressed out

– Quick fixes are like trying to learn TikTok dances in a day – entertaining but probably not sustainable or fun to watch

– We get so caught up in the “after” picture that we forget to enjoy the “during” part

Plot Twist: Daily Growth is Your New BFF

Instead of going all “New Year, New Me,” why not try “New Day, Slightly Better Me?” It’s like choosing to be a tortoise in a world of hares, except this tortoise has a strategy and probably a podcast.

Think about it this way:

– Building habits is like creating a playlist – one awesome song at a time

– Progress over perfection is the equivalent of accepting that some days you’re a warrior, and other days you’re just happy you put on matching socks

– Small daily wins stack up like spare change in a jar – before you know it, you’ve got something substantial

– Being mindful is basically just becoming your own personal life commentator

– Staying flexible means you can pivot faster than a cat chasing a laser pointer

How to Rock This Daily Growth Thing

1. Break It Down: Instead of “become a morning person,” try “go to bed 5 minutes earlier each night.” Baby steps are still steps, especially if you’re wearing cute shoes!

2. Make It Routine: Slip new habits into your day like ninja vegetables in a kid’s meal. Before you know it, they’re just part of life.

3. Keep Track: Journal your journey, but make it fun! Doodles, stickers, and dramatic retellings of your daily victories are totally allowed.

4. Celebrate Everything: Did you drink water today?  Remember to brush your teeth?  Take a walk? CELEBRATE IT ALL!

5. Be Your Own Cheerleader: Some days you’re killing it, other days you’re just surviving – and both are totally worth a victory dance.

The Grand Finale

So, this year, instead of writing a resolution list longer than your streaming queue, why not try the “daily tiny wins” approach? It’s like building a LEGO masterpiece – one piece at a time, with occasional stepping on pieces (ouch), some creative problem-solving, and lots of little victories to celebrate.

Remember: Life isn’t about becoming a whole new person every January 1st – it’s about becoming a slightly better version of your already amazing self, one day at a time. And hey, if you mess up? Tomorrow is like a mini New Year’s Day, minus the hangover and obligation to watch the ball drop.

Now go forth and grow, you magnificent work in progress! 💪​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Oh and if you need a boost to get going, Ellie Mental Health can help

🎁 Forget Stuff, Gift Fun! A Parents’ Guide to Giving Awesome Experiences to Preteens

Hey there, gift-hunting parents! Put down that gadget catalog and buckle up – we’re about to dive into the world of giving experiences that’ll make your preteen’s eyes light up brighter than their phone screen (yes, it’s possible!).

Why Experiences are the New Cool (Move Over, Latest Trendy Toy!)

Let’s face it: most physical gifts end up in the “meh” pile faster than you can say “next update.” But experiences? They’re the gifts that keep on giving, like a Netflix subscription that never runs out of good content! Here’s the scoop on why experiences rock:

1. Squad Goals Achievement Unlocked!: Experiences are like real-life multiplayer games – they bring people together! Whether it’s screaming on roller coasters or failing adorably at pottery class, these shared moments create bonds stronger than superglue.

2. Memory Bank Jackpot: While that trendy hoodie might end up in next year’s donation pile, memories of epic adventures stick around longer than gum under a desk (but way more pleasant!).

3. Level-Up Life Skills: Each new experience is like gaining XP in the game of life. Cooking class disaster? That’s +10 to resilience and +5 to learning from mistakes!

4. Present Moment Power-Up: In a world of endless scrolling, experiences are like hitting the pause button on life’s remote control. They help preteens actually live in the moment instead of just posting about it.

Experience Gift Ideas That’ll Make You the Coolest Parent Ever

Ready to level up your gift-giving game? Here are some experience ideas that’ll earn you major parent points:

1. Thrill-Seeker Special: Theme parks, zip-lining, or bubble soccer (yes, it’s a thing, and yes, it’s hilarious). Because nothing says “best day ever” like safely controlled adrenaline rushes!

2. Creativity Quest: Art workshops where making a mess is actually encouraged? Sign them up! Whether they create a masterpiece or something that looks like the dog helped, it’s all about the fun.

3. Sports Spectacular: Rock climbing, skateboarding lessons, or ninja warrior courses – because sometimes the best memories come with a side of band-aids and proud battle stories.

4. Culture Power-Up: Museums don’t have to be snooze-fests! Look for interactive exhibits, behind-the-scenes tours, or those awesome night-at-the-museum events. History is way cooler when you can touch it (when allowed, of course!).

5. Mini Adventures: Turn day trips into missions impossible! Create scavenger hunts in new cities or challenge them to try three weird-but-safe things they’ve never done before.

The Secret Sauce: Why These Gifts Are Mental Health Superheroes

Here’s the awesome part – while your preteen is having the time of their life, these experiences are secretly working like vitamin gummies for their mental health: they taste good AND they’re good for you! They’re building confidence, crushing anxiety, and creating happiness hormones like a boss.

The Grand Finale

So this holiday season, let’s think outside the gift box! Instead of adding to the pile of “stuff” that’ll end up under the bed, give them something that’ll end up in their highlight reel of awesome memories. Because at the end of the day, no one ever looked back and said, “Wow, I really wish I had gotten another pair of socks instead of that amazing day when…”

Remember: You’re not just giving a gift – you’re giving them a story they’ll tell for years to come. And those stories? They’re worth more than all the latest gadgets combined (even the ones with RGB lighting! 😉).

Now go forth and gift some awesome! Your preteen’s future self is already thanking you for being such a cool parent! 🌟​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​